8-31-00

so far, c++ is extrememly simple, but i get the feeling that it will get harder as i go along. who knows? maybe i will write a program that will automatically edit this source html and have the table preset and everything. that would be pretty cool, because then i wouldn't have to waste so much time editing the source directly. hey, then i could even get around to doing important things like putting up links, doing homework, and avoiding the workplace as much as possible! hey sounds good to me. i'm just saying... ok well anyway i am really tired, and i am fairly sure that you are too, because everybody is tired. all the time. i really wish most of all that i could get around to typing up xslade's poetry. he's starting to get pretty pissed, so i'd better just hurry up. okay, well it is time for me to sleep, as is just about any time. so, in conclusion, goodnight and godspeed.

quote: pleurez, pleurez, mes yeux, et fondez-vous en eau! la moitié de ma vie a mis l'autre au tombeau. [weep, weep, mine eyes, and melt yourselves in water! the one-half of my life has interred in the other.] ~corneille

8-30-00

i tried out for rhythm guitar at school the other day. i just suddenly remembered that. oh yeah that and i'm starting out on c++. it seems to be a pretty well-structured language, and i get the feeling that i will be able to handle it fairly well. the only problem is that i have to spend the time to find a better compiler considering the fact that it is not legal to distribute programs that you created with the introductory edition of microsoft visual c++ 6.0. i find that rather odd, but hey, there are many things that i find to be strange. take for example the ideas set forth by one of my friends to whom i will refer as keck. anyone who knows who i am talking about knows about what i am about to say. well, that is if you ever took the time to listen to him. keck can sometimes--more often than not, actually--have a negative attitude about things. the problem is not that he does not have a positive outlook on anything, but that he groups people into categories that are completely merciless the each person's personal character. if anything, i think that each person can be placed in his own group, unless by some completely impossible chance, someone develops the exact same view of the world as another does.

quote: a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. ~james 1:8

8-29-00

who here is endowed with the power to pronounce whether or not one is worthy of pride? is it not true that we all fall under the same judgement anyway? will anyone be told that they accomplished the most or that they worked the hardest? i think not. this does not keep me from at least trying. i don't understand why anyone who looks back to see their own accomplishments will not find that they become extremely bored with the so called credit they bring themselves. is it too hard to just see that although we are not required to accomplish much, we should do so anyway? what could possibly be wrong with looking back and realizing, "hey i did a good job on that but now i will try something new?" do you have to look back and say that it is okay to just stop there because of the fact that you simply did something? i think not. but i think i know of quite a few people who would contest me on that.

quote: we're all naked when the day is said and done. ~the offspring

8-28-00

so i was sitting at home after school, just thinking about what homework i should start on (still debating that by the way), and i come to this realization. why not just change the entire look of the musings page? i mean its not like many people look at it anyway. i decided that while this site is still a small place, i am going to enjoy the freedom as much as possible. i mean if you have no viewers, who's to complain whether or not you keep the same decor, right? so i added in these pretty little markers to show you where the date, news, and quote are yaddayadda. hope everyone likes them. any complaints, you email me. how about that? apparently no one is as interested in this site as i hoped they would be. well that is about to change. i am preparing to rapidly expand the link network of this page, join a few webrings, and possibly hit up some advertising. i mean i have to support the domain right? why not spread the good word that there happens to be a freelance poet and web designer out there who wants to share his talents and give them away free? okay so maybe no one will think of it quite like that, but i happen to have an expert on internet humor sites among my associates, busting her brain to come up with the correct word to abide in my cover link to the massive humor listing. so yeah, you all keep strong in school, the faith, and whatnot, and i will continue to provide you with updated links to only the best sites on the internet.

quote: i would say something really smart, mr. gast, but i can't. ~nick leonard

8-27-00

well i've used up my allotted three annual days of depression. now i am back and everything is peachy! okay maybe not peachy so much as great, but i haven't felt this good in a while. so uh yeah, i really haven't changed the page at all so there is not much news. in this case i would normally start talking about my life, but i would much rather make a few recommendations to my readers. if you consider yourself a faithful reader or even enjoyed my page only once, send me an email and i'll see what i can do for correspondence. the point of this page is definitely user input. that and spelling. good spelling is the key to successful literature. i assure you, just about any misspelling you can find on this page was either not my work or a typo, because if i have a definite writing quality, it is how anal i happen to be about my spelling. word of the day guys, use it until it wears out. okay now that i am back on subject here are my recommendations: scour exchange and napster. seriously guys this may sound very cliche but these are the best music resources out there. the only thing i ask of your honor and character is that you do not share nor download music by any band that has expressed displeasure at the growing popularity of mp3 music sharing. that is what makes it wrong, so do the right thing. well this is the reticent leaving you with yet another scintillating quote.

quote: the most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible. ~albert einstein

8-23-00

how sweet it is... i felt just fine today. a little confused but fine none the less. this is the thing. how many people will be insulted by this, i don't know. quite frankly, i dont care. as i searched through the population of my school for someone to ponder for a second -- as is my way -- i noticed everyone that had bleached or highlighted hair. every one of these guys wore a certain brand of clothing, commonly referred to by my colleague axvxia as abercrumble and bizniotch. odd. who would have thought. i do not know if i am the only one who notices, but maybe the fact that all of these people have to wear the same clothes as each other, not to mention the hair, in order to please each other and feel confident socially reminds me of a certain german political party. a jungvolk perhaps? i mean i do know of at least one person who actually likes abercrombie (hey mackey). a genuinely nice guy. the group of people with whom i have a problem is easily characterized not by their dress, but by their behavior. the conspicuous attempts at gaining attention, the darting glances for approval after each joke, the inward depression masked by nonchalance as they fail each class in order to look powerful--it is all very disturbing to me. it makes me wonder how many of these people can possibly make it into college.

quote: you cannot spell the word dishonorable without the word honorable. ~homer simpson

8-22-00

hmmm. where do i start? i broke up with sarah today. its okay because we agreed on stuff and as i understand it we really dont feel any different than we did. yeah i think a friendship with her could be more productive than a relationship. and dont think that i am doing that "we are just going to be friends" crap either because that's not what it is. i feel like this is not the right time for us and i dont want to waste a good thing. end of story. i dont want a bunch of sympathy, or people emailing me about it. it was both of our decision and i feel better now. okay i think i am dropping calculus this year for programming and i will take it next year. the metallica tabs are angering me because they are actually text files, not html's and 50megs turned them into them in order to place a banner at the top of each. so sorry to anyone who wanted them, you can still copy and paste from the source to make it work. especially sorry to pc because i told you to check them. okay, well im tired and i kind of have something to get over. such a shock. anyway here's a quote that pretty much sums up the events of my day.

quote: every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. ~semisonic

8-21-00

today i went to school. i have all sorts of interesting people involved in my school day. there is this new english teacher this year (from whom i received today's quote). her name is mrs. harvey and i can only imagine how that class is going to end up. but its okay because i am in a lot of classes with my girlfriend sarah (i love you!). you see, the thing is, i dont really know how the year is going to affect me because it seems to be much like every other year of school. i dont really know why this makes a difference except that this year has a more precedented feel to it. i am getting xslade's poetry posted some time when i have some spare seconds. anyway, enjoy the page, read the news, and i'm going to have to wait to get the old news archive up because, well, i just dont want to right now. gojo rocks.

quote: i am nothing if not vengeful. ~mrs. harvey

8-20-00

mmmmm calculus...gotta love it. its right up there with mowing the lawn and throwing up. oh yeah, my idea of fun. i like this new image based sidebar that i put up. javascript is fun. btw, thanks to caleb for fixing stupid 50megs and their upload daemons. that and thanks to bengay for helping out seabass and katz when they needed it. i still have a firm affiliation with orange gojo, but what can i say. one man once screamed reticently as the silver claws of reality slowly crushed his face. i look deeper than that. i get the feeling that maybe he created his own delusional reality into which he dragged his depression. happens everyday.

quote: today is the greatest day i've ever known. ~smashing pumpkins

8-19-00

i am ready to return to school. this is a realization that i just encountered. as long as i am able to stay strong and not fall into conformity, there will be no reason for me to worry. the only reason that i may fall behind in schoolwork would be that i have friends that are too demanding of my time. that will not happen because i am very selective about my good friends, and i have a feeling they would understand if i had to skip out once or twice. as long as i am ready to fight the urge to conform, then the urge may never come.

quote: to secure peace is to prepare for war. ~metallica

8-18-00

there are three kinds of people in the world. one writes down the things they are given. another writes down the things they give. the third group writes down the things they want to be given to them. people are so selfish. there is no getting around that, and as i prepare to go back to making more frequent contact with other people, i feel a kind of dread that maybe all the social groups and cliques will be back and stronger than ever. the thing is, i am already sure they will. i think to be accepted is one thing, and to be accepted because you change yourself is something else altogether. that is more like putting yourself into slavery.

quote: when you feel like killing me just go ahead and i'll be there for you. ~mxpx

8-17-00

wow, i can't believe the response i got from web designers on yahoo. they seemed to be very impressed, and when i told them my age, they did not believe me. oddly enough, it seems as though the last week of summer is just creeping by, and as much as i look forward to seeing everybody again, i really just don't want to return to school. work is starting to really take its toll on me, and i don't know how much longer i can hold up, especially with all this extra work coming. anyway, so now i have this quote of the day, so i always have a reason to post, unlike yesterday, when i was just way too busy.

quote: and if i make it, i'd be amazed just to find tomorrow. and if i make it, i'd be amazed just to see it waiting. and if i make it, i'm still alone. no more hope for better days. if i could change, then i'd really be amazed. ~offspring

8-15-00

just like i said, i was way too tired to consider updating the news last night. the most interesting things happened yesterday. i was on the bus to kings island with my sister and my two friends for an employee party. dr doolittle was on, and while the movie isn't great, it was fine with me. suddenly the people in the back of the bus change their minds and want to watch up in smoke starring cheech and chong. ooh how nice, i especially liked the part where they were talking about drugs. oh wait, that was the whole thing. then on the way back we watched the uncut version of american pie. great movie to see with your sister, you should try it some time. so anyway kings island was really fun but the bus ride wasn't exactly what i was expecting.

heh that's funny because there was no quote for this day

8-13-00
i just came to a realization. after encoding 15 cd's worth of mp3's i have noticed that mp3's start to take up a lot of space. i have almost 900 megs of them already and i have barely started backing up my own cd's. anyway i am going to king's island tomorrow so there may not be updated news until much later in the night. that is, if i feel like updating. don't get me wrong, i mean, i like typing these desultory and sometimes meaningless messages every day, but i may not be up to it at that hour. just like im not exactly up to writing that metallica index file. by the way all you people who seem to be having trouble finding my poetry, just click on the link in the sidebar labeled the reticent. that will take you to a full list of my writing. i am thinking of posting a short story that i wrote last year, but i will have to retype it first, and we all know how i feel about that. oh yeah, and seabass or katz if youre reading this i havent gotten around to making your logos yet but i will. i am going to start a quote of the day thing too.

8-12-00
alright, i'm going to take a second to talk about society. i hate the society as it stands. i have living proof that it is corrupting children who are being brought up. my little sister is nine years old. she listens to fad music like all the other little girls. not so bad. sure, she may have a lack of musical appreciation as yet, but she is only nine years old. she thinks very self-centeredly. okay not that great. maybe it is that she hasn't yet realized that it is important to be considerate to others, or maybe she was taught that was right. well she's only nine years old. lastly, my little sister has learned superficiality. she knows that the conformity in society is so strong that in order to follow and be accepted as cool she must give in to molding forces such as peer emulation. SHE IS ONLY NINE YEARS OLD!!! i'm sorry, but this is not right. there is nothing to justify the fact that my nine year old little sister is becoming like everything i was ever taught -- or learned -- to hate. sigh.

8-11-00
last night i stayed up a very long time uploading tabs ten at a time to the tab archive. unfortunately, most of them were metallica songs or songs metallica covered at concerts. because of this, the metallica directory is full. it needs an index file so i guess i will have to write one. ughh. well im going to work, so i'll do it later. i dont have time right now. i still have gotten no input so i will just wait. i have no idea if people are actually coming to the site or not because i want a counter that is not tacky. the new poem is up. it's called haughty concern. i think i have songs up from about ten bands in the tab archive just so you know, and links to about twenty search engines. someone please use the dogpile one. i didnt put it up there just so the site would look pretty. okay work's calling. im out.

8-10-00
here's a little tip. don't ever go to work if you don't have to. and so you know, i had the pleasure of the experience this morning. anyway, i kind of revamped the page. i put up a search page, too. please use it. this website is suited to be used as a home page, if nothing else. oh yeah, obviously i have reticence.net working now so there is no more typing user4.50megs.com/reticence. i will get around to posting more tabs in the archive. i have about a million of them. please if you have any ideas, email them to me. i really need some input. the email link is in the sidebar at the bottom. just click it. click it and type something and send it to me. if you write poetry send it and i'll post it if i like it. i'm open to just about anything. thanks.

8-9-00
wow lack of sleep can be a real killer. i forgot at least three really important things tonight, like updating the page, working in the morning, and the bios password on my computer. shoot, well anyway, the new computer should be up and running tonight so i will be a little more on top of the whole updating process. i am definitely looking toward putting a search engine on the page, and i'm not sure which one. i am thinking dogpile though. the next technical difficulty i have to work with, however, is getting reticence.net working. btw, thanks to seabass for letting me use his credit card for the computer and the domain registration. oh yeah, i'm putting up a new poem tonight too.

8-8-00
i went to see hollow man last night. that is definitely a ruined movie. i have never seen such a waste of computerized special effects, and a plot that could have actually had potential. anyway it was pretty much a porno, and they showed a little too much of kevin bacon and his translucent anatomy. so if you are planning on seeing a movie about naked people and invisible jackasses, go for it, but i would not recommend it to anyone planning to go with their girlfriend!! i can't stress that enough considering the only reason we got through it without it just being plain awkward is that we both have a sense of humor. alright, well i have counting crows, august and everything after, including chords and lyrics, and they will be posted here pretty soon--just give me until after work. any input about this page or what i should check out to post on this page is welcome, just click the mail to link in the sidebar. thanks.

8-7-00
hello, i am the reticent. this page will soon have updated links to font archives, images, guitar tablature, lyrics, and anything i deem necessary to have on it. if you feel like reading my poetry, all of it is posted here also. i refuse to take credit for the appearance of this page, and as the author i would like to thank durius java programming for the applet on the front page, and geoffrey pan/merkur technology for the use of cheetafader. i would also like to extend my appreciation to 50megs.com for hosting this site and dotster.com for the low registration price on reticence.net. thank you also to axvxia for recommending these sites to me, to xslade for your input into my poetry and nonconformist philosophy, and to sarah for being there for me and always being supportive of what i do. all news will remain posted for two weeks and then may be accessed from the old news archive. enjoy.