10-29-00

there is so much sex in today's culture. i know that this is a very touched-upon subject, but really, this is just embarrassing sometimes. i am at the reception of a wedding for my step-cousin. suddenly a song comes on, and it is none other than that philosophical song by the bloodhound gang. you know, the one about "doing it like they do on the discovery channel." that isn't the problem in and of itself but that my mother was at the table with me. i somehow feel responsible in front of my mother for the drastic turn in pop culture. the discovery channel being the least of my worries, back in the hotel room that i shared with my mother, stepdad, and two little sisters, my mother turns on the tv. as she is surfing through the channels, suddenly the title at the top of the screen says "hbo - g-string divas." hmm... well after the first few seconds of a full view of a young woman's breasts and whatever else a thong does not cover, the channel is changed. but what am i supposed to say? my mother? and sisters? that is what i mean by the new "sex wave" being so embarrassing. as though it really needs to be there anyway...

incubus (in'-kyoo-bus) - a male demon that copulates with human females in their sleep, thereby impregnating them.

quote: fall seven times, stand up eight. ~japanese proverb

10-26-00

what? what is? what is it? what is it about? four questions. apply them to any aspect of your life. deep meaning may come from this exercise. many things can be simplified. one may find the actual reason why he does something unexplained and, in fact, may abolish a false reason. i consider it a great privilege to be able to think outside of the system in which i am. am... what a word. a verb, yet solely used to apply to oneself. what? am. what is? all is if perceived, and sometimes if not. what is it? a verb. derived from infinitive "to be." what is it about? it is selfish and applicable to a state of being. an announcement as in "i am." or "i am here." or "i am not fat." quite a useful word. wouldn't it be interesting to see one go through the day without the use of the word "am?" intriguing prospect. that gives me an idea...

moiety (moi'-e-tee) - a half or two more or less equal parts; an indefinite share or part.

quote: hell itself might then have found a fitting image. even as it was, my hair stood on end, while i gazed afar down within the yawning abysses, letting the imagination descend, as it were, and stalk about in the strange vaulted halls, and ruddy gulfs, and red ghastly chasms of hideous and unfathomable fire. ~edgar allan poe's hans phaall - a tale

10-22-00

and it feeeeeels, yeah it feeeeeeeels like heaven's so far away...... okay yeah anyway so i have all sorts of offspring stuck in my head. yeah-ah-ah-ah i am a pyro .. .. . .. . in any case, i just want to salute all of you wonderful people out there. there are still the kinds of people who will do work because it is what they are supposed to do. this is not bashing those who choose otherwise. tis more of a shout out to dougie fresh. you rock! (or rap or whatever even though i hate rap) i want to go back to naples. no i want to go back to pentwater. if you haven't been there you should go. beautiful place. btw if someone can help me out, what is the name of that lady from mighty joe young? i know one of you must know it. please send me an email. in fact send me an email anyway because i dont want a guestbook and this is my only way to know you personally... as always, enjoy your reading at reticence.net.

spurious (spyoor'-ee-es) - counterfeit; phony

quote: that was...that was...yarrr. ~the captain from the simpsons

10-19-00

in addition to all of the quality search engines that i have posted in the guidance section, i would like to present another...ignifuge.com. it is actually a rather useful engine if you are looking for something intelligent. if you are not, then use ask jeeves. no matter what you type, you are guaranteed to be directed to a porn site of some sort or a breast cancer association (keep in mind that as a test i used "what is the history of the guitar?"). in any case, i am making gradual progress on this enormous book that i highly recommend: edgar allan poe, unabridged. definitely find it and read it. contrary to popular belief, this guy is hilarious. i recommend x-ing a paragrab, a short story about a journalist named mr. touch-and-go bullethead. great story. okay well those are my random thoughts and recommendations for the day. enjoy yourselves.

mercurial (mer-kyer'-ee-el) - quick-witted, volatile, changeable, fickle; clever, shrewd, thievish.

quote: i'm ugly and you're beautiful. wanna go out? ~xslade, on love and preemptive loss.

10-16-00

there are three major downfalls of american society that i believe will eventually bring the destruction of the united states government. one, of course, is bureaucracy. the whole idea of "due process" and such has gotten out of hand. those whom are not benefited by what is right use this sort of "red tape" to get the delay they need to gain a profit. the second downfall is apathy. the fact that a large percentage of the population of the united states does not even care whether or not we pursue traditional or biblical ethics shows the instability caused by such lack of ardor. political issues are affected the same way. it is ludicrous to think that one has the right to complain about the outcome of an issue when we sit back and accept the indifference and even the system in which we produce decisions. the third, final, and possibly the most definitive downfall is that of destructive conformity. it seems to be an innate deception inside of the majority of american culture that tells us we must assimilate another's standards -- most commonly the most popular -- in order to have a valid opinion. it is not required that one wear the same things as his friends. it is not required that one listen to the same music as his friends. lastly, and most predominantly, it is not required that one hold the same opinion as his friend. nor the same enemies, nor allies, nor convictions, nor lifestyle, nor personality. this is what will eventually lead to the destruction of american society. everyone is right now convincing himself that it is best to esteem the opinions of others over ethics. this sort of thought will bring a new detrition into the culture and degrade each person's conscience so much that it is essentially nonexistent. it is our job to make sure that we do our best not to fall into the grasp of conformity. (vote bush).

innate (in-ayt') - existing naturally rather than acquired; that seems to have been in one from birth.

quote: if you don't vote, then you have no right to complain about the status of politics. ~gast, always the social philospher

10-15-00

that is the longest i have ever gone without updating this page. that is mainly because of all of the projects/papers/memorizations i have had to do for school in the past week. for history i have been working on building a working model of the trebuchet. i was just given a new webpage to work on. i think it is going to be at eminence.net if that is not already taken. i am really liking this graphics program. it's just paint shop pro 95, but sometimes the ones that have been proven are better than the newer experiences. well i hope that everyone likes the new version of reticence.net; it should get rid of the annoying frame scrollbar. okay, well i have to go work on la memorizacion. enjoy.

trebuchet (tre'-byoo-shay) - a catapult-like device using only leverage and utilized in battles during the medeival times.

quote: experience keeps a dear school and fools will learn in no other... ~benjamin franklin - 1773

10-9-00

so i was walking around in school today when a realization came upon me. i have it really good. so what if people don't all see me the way i wish they would? why should i care? i try as hard as i can to be nice to everyone, and yet i never understood why they don't do the same. well now i do understand. people are stupid. people are selfish, crude, primitive, and shifty. people are cliquey, fascist, degenerate, self-impuning, and of mob mentality. in short, people are dodgy. there is no better way to describe them than this australian colloquialism. i have now taken it upon myself to no longer care. i thought i had a long time ago, but when you get too attached that frame of mind sort of ends. i will not stop being friendly or kind. i will not stop putting forth effort to project a civilized image of myself. in fact, from this point on i will adhere for the most part even more strongly to my own personal code of chivalry. i will just stay more unattached.

dodgy (dodj'-ee) - of or pertaining to depravity, wickedness, or shady and suspicious behavior; shifty

quote: my fondest hope is that americans will travel the road extending forward from the arch of experience, never forgetting our heroic origins, never failing to seek divine guidance as we march boldly, bravely into a future limited only by our capacity to dream. ~ronald reagan, the greatest president america has ever had.

10-7-00

never, ever stay awake for 48 hours ... ever. i just caught up on my sleep and realized that it is already the seventh. every day is going by too quickly. i was just asked to redesign a web page, and i took the offer, so that will have to be priority for a while. i wish i could at least update this page every other day. i have projects and such for many different classes all due this month, and i would really love to get those finished also. i found a short story that i wrote last year called in the shadow of a nightmare. my friend just got his page up and i am helping him redesign it little by little. anyway it has plenty of useful content. content is most of what makes a page. see it at xslade.com. my other friend is also starting out on a new page. it is not yet finished that i know of but you can see it at arcadia. take the time to email them with input, because i know what it is like to have but a few replies. sign their guestbooks too.

contingent (ken-tin'-jent) - that may or may not happen; possible; not necessarily true but only by context.

quote: when i was an alien, cultures weren't opinions. ~nirvana

10-4-00

meaningful irrelevance consulting a new twist in time the old recurrences gone and riddled with piercing of truth and logic sound turning from obsolete terrors one never asks why it is that he should be kept muted and subdued ever to fall into line with the masses denying his own inert person should any at all be corrected? it seems to be thought he should not be told jousting with greed over passions of ill and naught to thereby be won socratic in method and failing so taught but not fully in reason convinced but why push on them what henceforth trembles and so causes the trembling once having a beautiful meter i was art and my style of masterful craft a tyrant to free and mistaken etymon has anyone stopped to consider?

darshan (dar'-shen) - the virtue, uplift, blessing, etc. which, many hindus believe, one gets in the presence of a great man.

quote: a happy cow is a happy meal. ~my little sister hannah

10-3-00

for some reason i have been off with my dates for about a week. that is okay because i realized it at least. i do have to say that when i was a small child i wanted to experience everything, and i still do. i would sit and think to myself, "i wish i could find out what it is like to fall ten feet, or to have divorced parents, or to work for thirteen hours in one day." i never wanted to actually experience some of these, i just wanted the experience to have been given to me and the memories to serve me. well i can tell you now that i have experienced falling ten feet, having divorced parents, and working thirteen hours straight. the first is not all it is cracked up to be, the second is every bit of what it is cracked up to be, and the third is the greatest feeling you can ever have after the world turns on you. i am sick right now, sick in body, sick of people, and i am still able to take comfort in the fact that i accomplished that. carry on, and don't starve yourselves of a sense of accomplishment.

harakiri (har'-ee-keer-ee) - ritual suicide by cutting the abdomen; called seppuku by the Japanese, and practiced by high-ranking officials to avoid execution and disgrace.

quote: but he doesn't understand because he's only two and doesn't have the words and that's the worst thing in the world... ~frank mccourt angela's ashes